5 Tips I Would Give to My Younger Self about Meditation and Life
I get a lot of questions about the challenges of meditation and mental blocks when creating habits. My younger self would have benefited from the wisdom I’m about to share with you.
1. JUST SIT — Get your mind off the reward
Don't look for an outcome. Its common to go into meditation because you are are wanting to feel relaxed, wanting to have insights, wanting to feel happier. This is especially the case for a beginner, because its the way we are as humans
Your brain : “why would i do something that doesn't reward me?”
There is the desire for instant reward such as how we feel with exercise. It doesn't always work like that with meditation, you have to be patient. Its like a physical muscle which builds over time, after you put in the reps and let it rest.
Neuroscientists will agree that reacting, making meaning of everything and analysing is what we are used to doing as humans, so the brain has to adapt for us to operate from a different modality. The act of deciding not to react, no matter what thought, emotion or desire we have, is a powerful inner stance. Imagine how powerful you can be in the outside world if you are training this whilst meditating? With time, you will get everything you wish for.
Analogy:
Its like a Chinese finger trap, if you struggle, it will be hard to get anywhere.
Or imagine you went to a restaurant and you were worried about; whether the food portion will be enough, if it will taste good, or if it will make you sick, why bother even going out to eat? You’ve ruined the experience!
Think of yourself like a captain of the ship, find your bearings as you meditate, focus on where you are going without worrying about the bumps, the rain, the storms, just know that over time you will get to where you want to go as long as you are willing to play the long game and stay at the wheel enjoying the journey, not the destination.
Along the way may pass areas at sea which are calm island, scary island, sad island and happy island, watch them and stay resilient.
“Nothing in life is for free” — My Dad
The question is are you willing to spend your time on this, or netflix, time wasting or something else?
Make it simple for yourself and don’t even call it meditation, in zen it translates to “Just sitting”. So just sit, just keep sitting each day even if its tough, just keep sitting even if you are tired, just keep sitting even if you are busy, and over time you will get the rewards.
2. YOU ALREADY WIN — The wise one choses not to compete
Don't judge yourself — there is no good way to do it, there is no competition for meditating, “hey look my meditating is better than yours”, no, get out of the competitive, measuring, winning mindset that you have been trained to believe is how to live in normal life.
It took me a while to get through this block but once it clicked, my meditation practice went to higher heights. The fact that you are meditating means you have already won, you have already defeated the version that you would have been if you were NOT meditating
The amount of times people say to me, “Raj you must never feel stressed, you seem so blissed out” or “At your elevated level of experience i bet you never encounter challenges”. This isn’t true, and the truth is that I don't know if I would enjoy life if there weren’t any downs. The only difference now compared to where i was before is that my awareness is so high that anytime I feel the psychological mind try to take over, i can quickly snap out of it, much quicker than before.
So do not judge yourself, the buddha was human, he always said we are all buddhas, its only our mental projections which block us from seeing so.
Nobody is “bad” at being still, we all start from somewhere, and the more you drop this judgement of yourself, the more liberated you will be.
The other thing people say to me often is “i cannot stop my thoughts”, this is the biggest misconception. Do you try to stop your heart from beating? Well stop trying to stop your thoughts, you will just create mental judgement.
Perhaps if you are a yogi and can step into deep states, then thoughts will “appear” as if they stopped and the perception of existence will change, but this type of experience takes preparation and training, and quite frankly for the regular person there is no need to strive for this.
So keep it simple mind, let the thoughts hit you, judge you and confuse you, the work is to realise that thoughts and emotions are fleeting like the weather. You are the weatherman/woman whos able to notice and report on it, remember this and you will find peace.
Its the heart which is the truth, the thoughts are just a program created to protect, warn, and notify you. Like your alarm system in your house, its making sure nobody sieges the house, but it isn't the house. It isn’t the person inside the house either, that is you, your innate self is hidden beneath the surface level weather patterns.
Observing this activity and connecting to yourself is your only focus during meditation, and ultimately a life of personal growth.
You are already winning, judge not.
3. DON’T RUSH — this isn't a bathroom break
Don't try to fit your personal development time (meditation or anything else) in between busy activities — The mind is going at 100 mph , so it takes time for to settle down, so if you are trying to fit a 10 minute meditation in between two meetings, most likely your attention will be on the time. Wondering why it feels so long, trying to mentally calculate how long is left and worrying about what you have to do next.
Give yourself space when you meditate, the biggest mistake is meditating and then jumping up instantly and rushing into your day. After you finish meditating, sit there for an extra few minutes to let yourself absorb the goodness that you just cultivated. Would you train a muscle and then sleep badly, eat badly and expect it to grow?
Nowadays I don't need as much time to shift gears from fully meditated into active, its like a light switch that i can turn on at anytime, without having to settle in and out. This is because i have the ability to do so now, but in the past it would have taken me a while to settle in, and settle out.
Therefore for someone who isn't experienced, 10 minutes could feel like nothing changed because perhaps your body is too tense, your mind is all over the place, but often its because you haven't allowed yourself to settle in and surrender to the process.
Another tip for people who feel tense is to move the body or practice some breathwork before meditating. The reason i say this is because if your body is tense, then it will take a while to settle down, this is why yoga postures are completed before meditation via the 8-fold path of yoga. Its done along with breathe exercises to prepare the body to meditate.
This is why i recommend morning meditation, because it fits in perfectly after a morning movement/yoga routine. Nothing fancy, just a little movement and breathe activation (i am not for silly pointless bending of limbs for no useful benefit)
Having said the above, it isnt necessary, just something that may help. Meditation alone is still incredibly useful. As long as you set time aside for it
This is why I recommend doing meditation during a dedicated period of time, which takes me onto the next point
4. PROGRAM THE HABIT — Smelly breathe or better life?
Make it a non-negotiable like brushing your teeth — would you forget to brush your teeth ? No because its a habit. You must become military minded with yourself, create a game out of it. E.g. i wont brush my teeth until i meditate first, or i wont eat breakfast or shower until i meditate.
This way you have a system in place and your mind knows EXACTLY when and where you will do it. Your bad habits have been programmed, so good habits can be programmed in the exact same way.
If you are smart — you wont randomly try to do the things you want to do, that is lunacy, smart is installing the habit like a computer program. Our brains love routine, use that intelligence for you, rather than against you.
If you program the habit of meditation before a habit that is already programmed (e.g brushing your teeth/shower) then your brain has a pre-requisite command in place. Like a theme park ride which says “only 1.6m height allowed!”. You brain will expect you to meditate before being allowed on the fun rides!
I help my clients to create cues, rewards and punishments for not completing certain tasks, it hits the laziness and sporadic nature of life with a dose of commandership, soon enough your habit will be your lifestyle
If you aren't doing this, you are being irresponsible and immature with your own life. How can you expect to change if you don't set rules and play by the rules? I don't care how busy you are, nobody has an excuse for not setting asid 10 minutes! I know its hard because its new, but you will get through the hard part.
With every habit, the first 25 days are messy, the next 25 are confusing, and the last 25 become glorious. Stick it out! And that brings me onto the last point
5. PLAY THE SMALL GAME — Everyday is a miniature Year
Nobody expects you to meditate for an hour in silence when you first start so don't even try. And don't compare yourself to anyone else, don't even google this, don't read about others experiences, don't talk to a friend about it. Just do it, but do it slowly, and do it regularly.
Start with 5 mins a day at a fixed time (morning is best, evening 2nd best best), then perhaps you may meditate twice a day, and then eventually you may meditate 20 minutes at a time and you will have that feeling of
“OMG I cant believe i lasted that long!!”
This is when the dopamine chemicals (reward system) fire off. Remember your body is a chemical machine, and you are the alchemist
The key is small incremental growth and then rewarding yourself for each step. If you are recognising your progress, the dopamine hits keep triggering, therefore you feel good. These boosts will drive you to keep going and keep developing.
Here's another trick from neuroscience — don't just reward what you have done, also reward what activity you have replaced by doing this. E.g. lying in bed, staring at your phone, overthinking, watching TV.
Reward the fact that you are doing the habit, but also reward the fact that are not doing something unproductive! Double reward boost.
Summary
To end — just remember that whatever you do, however you do it, and whenever you do it is a win. But if you can refine your approach and make some small tweaks, then you get exponential results. You will notice that these rules aren’t just about meditation, they are principles which can be applied to life, business, relationships, and every other personal growth endeavor
Play the game like you have already won, that means you aren’t chasing something to feel something, instead you are doing it from a power, and your body knows the difference.
1. JUST SIT — Get your mind off the reward
2. YOU ALREADY WIN — The wise one choses not to compete
3. DON’T RUSH — this isn’t a bathroom break
4. PROGRAM THE HABIT — Smelly breathe or better life?
5. PLAY THE SMALL GAME — Everyday is a miniature Year
How to apply this
- What was a key take away you had after reading this?
- What are 3 (or just 1!) things you will change about the way you approach your habits and personal growth journey?
- What would you like to learn more about?
Share your answer with me via my instagram/FB page (links below), or email — rajgorsia@outlook.com
https://www.instagram.com/rajgorsia/
https://linktr.ee/Consciousness
Love. Raj
